The feeling is overwhelming.
Having people tell you what to do, what to watch out for, how to go about doing things – everything adds to the fact that you already don’t have enough sleep, am coping with two swollen melons all the time and with being a cow every three hours, am trying your best and well, it’s different when *you* are the one that has to stay up all night to care for a baby. Like they say, it’s always easier said than done.
I am starting to get very resentful and angry at people who give me suggestions and make flippant remarks about motherhood and what I do, then close the door at night and get a full night’s rest without having to deal with a fussy baby, engorged breasts and so forth.
A lot of people assume that having the baby blues means you’re emotionally weak. I don’t purposely go all out of my way to feel blue and depress sometimes, y’know. They don’t understand that most of it is due to hormonal changes and a small percentage is related to environmental factors like the inability to go out, eat whatever you like and so forth.
No one talks about such things – or rather, I have yet to see any other mummy bloggers out there admit to feel overwhelmed and down in the beginning of their pregnancy. Sometimes I get the feeling that saying so would be sacrilege (the whole “having a baby is a beautiful thing, being a mum is great, blah, blah”). I have friends who share how they go through the same thing and it comforts me to a degree to know that I’m not alone in feeling this sometimes.
I just wish people were…more understanding and less quick to comment on many things I do as a new mother. Everyone has to start from somewhere so let me and Nil do it our way, please.
August 3rd, 2009 at 8:28 am
Hi there mabel! I was actually scurrying thru myb and i came across your blog, I must agree with you where feelings are concerned. I’m now in my 34th week due in september and i think that the whole emotional rollercoaster starts from the very first month up till the day you get used to the whole baby thing. I went thru some pretty tough moments during the first trimester and whenever i turned to someone to talk about it, they would tell me…ooo noo u cant say that…pregnancy and babies are the most beautiful thing ever,enjoy your pregnancy and bla bla bla…I guess ppl tend to ignore the real facts which makes it pretty pretentious and nonfactual at a certain point. IMHO there is no wrong or right to what you feel. It is all part of growing and yes you may have down time and depression but what ppl dont get is that just because u fail to have that over joyous feeling of having a newborn and engorged boobies does not mean that you do not love your child. I was very frank with ppl who asked me what it would be like to be pregnant and to be honest, at one point i really told myself, hey i cant go thru with this, but its all part and parcel of what life is all about. Congrats on your baby and im sure that you will learn how to cope in your own time and way because that’s the way its suppose to be.
Mabel Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Frankly, I think all pregnant women should have pregnancy buddies who then go on to become mummy buddies. Sometimes it’s really important to have a good support network, compromising of women who are in the same situation or have been there. You can go nuts without support!!!!
August 10th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Hey Mabel,
Although my lil’ one is not here yet, but I do empathize what you are going through. We have begun shopping for the baby and opinions have poured in from left and right (in-laws and my own mom included). I would love to include everyone on our every step towards being first-time parents, but honestly I am at the point whereby I have told my hb to not announce every purchase we make to his family to avoid having to justify our decisions. After all, we have done our research to fit our needs and budget and although my hb is still unemployed, I think our baby still deserve the best that we can afford, as long as we are not spending beyond our means. I look forward to my family being here when the lil’ one arrives but I think baby blue might be on the horizon for me with both sets of parents being under one roof with us … I wish that we have our own place instead of living with my IL’s so that I can just ask them to leave when we are tired and wish to rest for the day.
Mabel Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:21 pm
*hugs*
I feel your pain – the whole staying with ILs (and even parents).
I think when people get married, they definitely need some space of their own not so much for privacy but to be able to choose and decide for themselves what they feel is best for THEIR family unit. I hope the day (when you get your own place) will come soon. It’ll be best for you, your HB and seriously your little one.
ps: Don’t worry about the money…it’ll work out. Like they say, children are a blessing in many ways.
August 14th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
You are not alone Mabel..
I was too feeling really depressed after I gave birth. At first I was really tensed because I have no milk to breastfeed my baby. After I does, I gave up breastfeeding after two months because it was really hard. And it made me feel really guilty and end up crying almost every night.
And people always tell us that we have to take a reallly good rest during our confinement as our body is weak after giving birth. But how can we take long good rest when we can’t even have a proper sleep at night?
But as our baby grows bigger, like when their 3 months old onwards, things will turn easier.
Being a mom is never easy but being a new mom is even worst I would say.
And i really respect you for being able to fully breastfeed your baby girl. Keep it up.
Mabel Reply:
August 21st, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Yeah, that’s what my mummy friends tell me. The first two months is usually tough for both mum and dad, first timers or otherwise. They call the whole thing “getting over the hump”.
It’s hard to believe sometimes that it’s been a month already…time really flies by so quickly. It seemed like it was just yesterday that I was pregnant and awaiting her birth. :P