[Column] What happened to my life?
|January 13, 2014||Posted by Mabel under Parenthood|
I am home alone. Well, sort of.
The children are asleep and it’s nightfall. The husband is away on a business trip. He has been away for the last ten days.
When things are this quiet, I start thinking about how my life has been so far, what has changed and what my future holds for me. I can’t say for a fact that I knew this was where I wanted to be. If you asked me ten years ago where I saw myself, it would not be a person who wears the same clothes all day long – pyjamas, to be exact – and has to struggle to make time for the simplest of things like a shower, hair wash, brushing my teeth and so forth. It would not be a person who does nothing but care for two children, cook, clean, run errands and not have time or the opportunity to meet anyone. It would not be a person who has a ton of hobbies just to remain sane.
Ten years ago, I could enjoy a good eight hours of sleep and more on the weekends. Then when my daughter came into the picture, I got by with six to seven hours of sleep – no more and a whole lot less sometimes. As she got older, things got better. Suddenly, I find myself back to square minus-one, if there is every such a thing. In the past 144 hours, I, perhaps, only slept 30-35 hours. I joke about functioning on adrenaline.
Ten years ago, I used to enjoy a drink, a late night out, movies as often as I liked. Then when my daughter came into the picture, I got by without all those things. I improvised by watching movies at home and since I’m already having late nights (minding a baby – then), I treated it as my late night out. Date nights with the hubby were far and few in between but we made do by including our child whenever we are out. Suddenly two turned into three.
Ten years ago, I loved to shop. I could shop for clothes, shoes and books like there was no tomorrow. Then when my daughter came, I shelved shopping for clothes and shoes. Instead I ended up shopping more for her and my husband than myself. In one year, I bought – at most – two pairs of shoes. A far cry from what I used to get for myself.
Wow. What happened?
I kid you not. Children happened to me.
Before you freak out and decide not to have children, do realize that not everyone changes this drastically. To be fair, children was not the only thing that happened to me. Age caught up with me. And well, priorities and desires change.
I no longer want the latest fashion, make up or books. I realized that I can survive with a limited amount of those things and since I do not need it, it is only logical (and insanely practical) to not get any. My career in the working world has taken a back seat to my career as a mother and wife. I prefer to leave a lasting legacy in my children than live a short stint on the corporate ladder.
Simple things like knitting, crocheting, sewing, spinning and soapmaking not only relaxes me but plays a functional role in my life. By going back to the basics, I learn to appreciate the quality and price of handmade items. I learn from creating and from working with my hands. Suddenly a simple bar of handmade soap makes me beam; a well-baked cake brings a smile to my face and a finished knitted or crochet item makes me proud. Then I look at my children and realized that I am still creating. They are, in actuality, WIPs (a knitting/crochet acronym for Work-In-Progress).
So what happened?
To put it simply, I grew and took a different path in life. I cannot say for a fact that this is not where I want to be – it is too soon for that conclusion. All I can say is that I am growing and my journey is still not fully defined. Until then, lets see where it takes me.